A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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