I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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