Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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