Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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