Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
