Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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