she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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