i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
