420 ftw
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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