Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
