two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
