wakey wakey hands off snakey
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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