I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
