Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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