OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
