I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
