I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
