bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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