Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
