i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Your cock deserves a montage
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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