I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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