How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
