This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
