Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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