Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
