I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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