dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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