my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
