there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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