Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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