The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
