I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
