I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
