Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
