she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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