Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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