I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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