help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
