Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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