I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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