He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
