i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
