There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
