This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
