youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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