You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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