I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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