I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
