Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize