How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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