Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
