My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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