Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
