Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
