remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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