Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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