First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
