Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
