also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
