dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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