so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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