Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
