Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
