for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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