WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
