So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
