she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
