thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My balls are so social today.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
