I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Randomize
