i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
