first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
