Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
