We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
